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Although I have thought long and hard on the issue at hand (that being the terrible tragedy that occurred last Tuesday), and its impact on me, I realize that response leaves me vulnerable to "projections," both positive as well as not so positive. Yet, with the constant "expressions" of personal wisdom that so many have felt it necessary to do their part by sharing their personal thoughts and insights, I, too, feel that it is necessary for this "one voice" to also be heard...
As deeply saddened as I am by last Tuesday's tragedy, a sadness that seems to deepen with each passing day, I struggle with the underlying message that has surfaced from the media ever since -- that message being that this country will never be the same as a result of last Tuesday's unimaginable act of violence and subsequent grief that has followed.
Whereas it is undeniably true that, for me, things will "never be the same," the question that keeps rattling around in my brain, and from that deep place of sadness in my heart, is what, then, for me will be "different?" What am I willing to change?
Will I look more deeply than ever upon America as a place that I am so truly blessed to have been "dropped off" on for my human endeavor to unfold?And will I recognize the many privileges of living in such a land as America as something that the greater portions of the world can only imagine?
Will I therefore look upon my brethren -- African-American, European-American, Asian-American, Arab-American, Mexican-American, Native-American, Jewish-American, Christian, Hebrew, Muslim, Buddhist, and all the many other cultures and religions, far too many to name, as equal parts of a greater whole called humankind?
Will I seek to justify hatred, when loving forgiveness demands too much from my finite soul? Or will I ask what can be done to heal this gaping wound inflicted upon my country, a country that oft times invisibilizes me, as opposed to what must be done to inflict more wounds, while knowing fully well that my world as I know it is already so overwhelmed with a grief that will never heal?
Will I seek Divine guidance as I search the innermost regions of my vulnerable heart to try and try to understand the impossible, as well as the unforgivable?
Will I justify vengeance, blindly, under the guise of God?
Will I take it upon myself to recall the devastation's dealt out by my country during my brief lifetime; the atom bomb, Viet Nam, social injustice and blatant racism, with indifference? Or will I take it upon myself to confront the limitations of a human heart such as mine that will be tempted to say, "Oh, well, that's different...?"
Will I love differently that which I don't understand? Or will I allow my cultural ignorance's to remain my personal justifications to continue to treat those unlike myself as if they don't exist?
Will I become an advocate for "harmony in diversity?" Or will I once again succumb to the hollow cry of, "America, love it or leave it!!..."?
Will I teach my children to love in ways that I never thought of before last Tuesday? Or will I self-justifiably condemn a whole people for the acts of a faceless circle of hatred? And will I then place the faces of the "seen" on the circle of those "unseen" and call my revenge justified?
What I do know is that I hurt -- I hurt for the innocent, and for the unknown faces of those who are left to make sense of all of this, as well as for those who have departed -- those souls that although I have never met, I grieve for as if they were my own...
When I seek to respond to the comment that things will never be the same, I can only hope that, for me, this is true. Because I dread to think that I would stay the same, and therefore become a willing member of a silent party to this frozen moment in history repeating itself...
I hope that, with the guidance of my God, I will find the courage to search my soul and be willing to do what will be required of me NOT to stay the same... And to do all I can to ask the same of all those living souls that I encounter along the way...
Peace...
BILL GREEN is an author, teacher/philosopher, and addiction counselor teaching in Chicago, Illinois. He is on senior staff with Eupsychia Institute. You can write Bill at greenbg52@aol.com
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